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So i was reading the newspaper today, and other than the fact that my alma mater is top 10 in the list of best schools in Malaysia, what attracted me the most was the news of that big shot movie producer Neo and his tales of infidelity ( man.. what a way to shoot to stardom. Ive never even heard of him before if it wasn't for this) His story was also told in the news last night and there was so much drama with reporters and fainting wives and shouting men.
I think men and woman have different definitions of cheating. To a man, normally its the physical relationship. To have sex, to touch, to kiss, that's only when they consider it being unfaithful. But to a woman, i think the scope of cheating is a bit wider. To have too close a relationship, to enjoy too much of another woman's company, to have an intimate dinner/lunch/meal of two, to go out for date's/movies, to lie, to hide facts, to name a few. It varies i guess from one woman to the other but basically thats the general rule.
In Neo's case, he has totally crossed all existing boundaries in a marriage. What amazes me the most is not him but how his wife's forgiveness towards him and how she was willing to face the media in order to help her husband. Of course she is not the first person to do it and i still wonder whether its just another publicity stunt but it still takes a lot of patience, courage and determination to do what she did.
And most of the time, when things like this is heared, not only in the news but among friends or acquaintances it still gets me thinking of who to blame. Whats good is in the end, both parties ( the cheating man and the other woman) have to suffer and face the consequences of what they have done but whats really bad about it, is how they have drag everyone around them into it. Innocent people who after one stupid mistake (which is not even theirs) , will have their lives changed in so many ways.
6 comments:
Bleigh... I’m used to the infidelity-related crying & apologizing on TV. Kat US berlambak. Politicians mostly. Tak larat nak tengok, malas nak percaya.
Yg women’s scope of cheating tu, men tak rasa sama ka? I can’t imagine a man being OK w/ his wife having an intimate meal w/ another guy. And even in the woman’s scope of cheating though, definitions are fluid. One woman’s ‘close relationship’ is another woman’s ‘normal relationship’.
Tho I guess what I’m saying is we should know our partner’s preferences and kalau terdetik di hati sendiri, tak kisahlah kalau pun bertentang mata 1second too long, tak ka ada problem tu? Technically there might be nothing wrong but emotionally, we know it.
Cheating is just wrong in either form. But sometimes always the party who is cheating tries to justify their actions by saying that its not cheating unless they did... bla bla bla.. etc.
Either way, whether its a man or a woman who does the cheating maybe the definition is the same.
Except when the other tries to defend him/herself then 'infidelity' suddenly has so many meanings.
what about attraction? is the presence of attraction necessary for it to be deemed an affair/infidelity? can members of opposite sexes be friends without attraction? if so, what is the boundary then before it is termed an affair?
What is attraction?
I think:
- it’s possible (and will definitely happen) to appreciate qualities in other gender - pretty, buff, funny, clever, etcetcetc
- it’s possible to be friends across sexes - if we think we can be friends, then we can be friends; if we think sthg will happen, then sthg will happen - at some level, I think it’s all in the mind
- if we want to explore another friendship more by having intimate meetings then not OK. Maybe even not intimate, just wanting. The intention
- but jealousy doesn’t need to wait for intimate meetings. Partners can be jealous of anything / nothing. So managing feelings is another big part of it
Methinks so anyway..
that's the word. intention. nicely put :-)
Sorry for my bad english. Thank you so much for your good post. Your post helped me in my college assignment, If you can provide me more details please email me.
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