I wanna drive you into the corner..and kiss you without a sound

This must be the funniest thing i have ever read about feces. I just had to put it up. Thought of posting a picture of it to accompany the story.. but theres no amount of technology that would be able to make me do that without throwing up or spoiling my whole weekend.. so i chose against it.. lagipon wouldnt want to scare my readers.. (yeah all 3 of u)

Everyone had taken their places, when I excused myself to visit the bathroom, and there, in the toilet, was the absolute biggest turd I have ever seen in my life - no toilet paper or anything, just this long and coiled specimen, as thick as a burrito.

I flushed the toilet, and the big turd trembled. It shifted position, but that was it. This thing wasn't going anywhere. I thought briefly of leaving it behind for someone else to take care of, but it was too late for that. Too late, because before getting up from the table, I'd stupidly told everyone where I was going. "I'll be back in a minute," I'd said. "I'm just going to run to the bathroom." My whereabouts were public knowledge...

The tank refilled, and I made a silent promise. The deal was that if this thing would go away, I'd repay the world by performing some unexpected act of kindness. I flushed the toilet a second time, and the big turd spun a lazy circle. "Go on," I whispered. "Scoot! Shoo!" I turned away, ready to perform my good deed, but when I looked back down, there it was, bobbing to the surface in a fresh pool of water...

...I scrambled for a plunger and used the handle to break the turd into manageable pieces, all the while thinking that it wasn't fair, that this was technically not my job. Another flush and it still didn't go down. Come on, pal. Let's move it. While waiting for the tank to refill, I thought maybe I should wash my hair. It wasn't dirty, but I needed some excuse to cover the amount of time I was spending in the bathroom. Quick, I thought. Do something. By now the other guests were probably thinking I was the type of person who uses dinner parties as an opportunity to defecate and catch up on my reading. -- David Sedaris : Me talk pretty one day--

Anyway.. im back in the island. Its so pretty after the rain. The sky clear.. the sea calm.. too bad my hands were occupied with the steering wheel, couldnt take pictures..
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...anyway I think i need to pull myself back to earth..