Time seems to stand still. I no longer feel like I want to do anything. Not going to the gym. Not out running. Not pestering my friends for a day out. Nothing.
Sunny little squarish me feels nothing.
Its like I would not allow myself to even think of anything else (other than this sad book I'm reading at the moment. Which is NOT helping) until I solve this problem.
And the truth is, it is not or should not even be a problem to begin with. Other people would say that I'm ungrateful if I complained about this but still the heart wants what the heart wants.
And apparently having 2 options is harder than having NO option at all.
One part of my being really wants to go to the green sea but the hands above me are forcing me to enter the big bad jungle (its all metaphorical people so just play along). But if I enter the big bad jungle it's like kene kawin paksa. I will be regretting things, complaining about everything and even worse if I don't perform. But at the same time I know swimming in the green sea is going to be harder but I think if I don't do it now? When will I ever?! But do u stray from the path and take the big risks and pay the big bucks or do u just go along with what the hands say?
Susah (la jugak) OK?
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